7 Things to Consider Before You Get Married

Introduction:
Before saying “I do,” it’s crucial to consider important factors that contribute to a successful marriage. In this comprehensive guide, we explore key aspects from both male and female perspectives. Discover the essential considerations for a lasting union and set a strong foundation for a fulfilling partnership.

PS: The Numbered words are politically correct, my bullet points that I added as ‘side notes’ are a bit more RAW, ENJOY…

Feel free to follow/subscribe to my podcast for a bit more in-depth review of the topics used here to bring to your attention… You do not want to miss this content

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1. Compatibility and Shared Values:
   Assess the importance of compatibility and shared values in a relationship. Discuss topics such as finances, family, religion, and career aspirations. Ensure your visions align and support each other’s growth.

• However, finding a partner with that level of compatibility will take work on both sides. You have to look past the scope of just “how they look” & “How much is in his/her account”. Say (For example) They look just how you want them to look & have the right amount of money in the bank but have no set goal for a healthy relationship minus the sex.
• Finding that person that will be that life partner requires sacrifice and, Believe it or not, DISCIPLINE!
• Try not thinking about sex as the go-to for once in your life and do a different approach when getting to know this individual. Go on chaperoned dates with another married couple and pick their brain, so that way it won’t be any mistakes (Just a thought for those that are at the beginning of this phase)

2. Effective Communication:
Learn the significance of healthy communication in a relationship. Foster open dialogue, active listening, and constructive conflict resolution. Understand different communication styles and build empathy and respect. Strong communication skills contribute to trust and emotional connection.

• Something to add with communication… Not everything needs to be said. If you’ve had a “Shady Past” then let that be in the past, as long as what happened back then doesn’t have a reason to resurface and disrupt the relationship.
• Things you should mention: Ex with whom you have a child with; Felonies (If any), Addictions; Things along those lines.
• Everything else should simply be you 2 proving one another to see if it’s a good fit for a lifelong commitment, not a good match for a one-night extravaganza.

3. Emotional and Financial Preparedness:
Explore emotional and financial responsibilities in marriage. Reflect on your emotional readiness to handle life’s challenges together. Discuss gender roles, parenting, and emotional support. Ensure financial stability and compatibility through discussions on debt, financial goals, and long-term planning.

• Gender roles -> Like it or not, someone in the relationship will be the head honcho. This here is oftentimes the reason for many arguments while in marriage and debate before you decide you want to go forward. I hear this is usually an issue especially when a spouse doesn’t respect a particular decision the other spouse is making, nevertheless, this shouldn’t hinder any proper order in the relationship. Establishing this early will ensure a stable-minded child and peace in the household, which leads to my next point…
• Parenting -> {This portion of the article deserves a blog post in of itself}. Most times, when the couple has their kids together for the 1st time, they learn the best way to raise the children together, both being new to parenting. I’ll rather focus a bit more energy on the bigger percentage, which would be those who come into marriage WITH kids. If you have a CRAZY ex (and don’t play games, YOU KNOW THEY CRAZY, THATS WHY YALL NOT TOGETHER), that don’t mind making you and your new spouse’s life a living hell, please let that be known and how it can be resolved. {Ultimately, you want this ironed out BEFORE you get too close to marriage simply because it can cause a headache and the significant other to run away.} I’ll instead save a better description of this portion on my podcast, too much to dissect in a few sentences; but those that can read between the lines, you know where I’m headed.

PS: the full description of “Parenting” is in the episode entitled “Bringing Children in a new marriage” Link to the podcast is at the beginning of this article

• Emotional support -> This is where life obstacles can come in and how he/she would be there to comfort or resolve the matter. This is why I’m big on letting others know to take their time and REALLY get to know one another. allow 1yr+ to go by, let life happen a little bit (with no sex) and see if they will stick around. This spells out if someone is with you for the ups and downs and thick/thins. Be friends 1st not F**k buddies; That tends to ruin a good thing.
• Finances -> You need to see how they spend their money. If he/she is a deadbeat and ‘liquid money’, best believe you won’t have any savings for a little while. Now, when it comes to this portion, don’t just look for Money, but rather see if they know how to manage and maintain what they got. You will come out a lot more positive and less picky. Most people you see today with nice things had to grind to get the little they got, be ready (If needed) to build a life with your partner. If they have money, then great, HOW DO THEY SPEND IT?? If they are the type to hide how they use their money [wave the red flag] that shouldn’t be a secret to someone you’re looking to marry.

4. Compatibility in Lifestyle and Ambitions:
Consider lifestyle choices and individual ambitions. Discuss living arrangements, career aspirations, and future plans. Support each other’s personal growth while maintaining a balance between personal and shared goals.

5. Mutual Respect:
Embrace mutual respect for a foundation for a healthy marriage. Discuss roles, responsibilities, and expectations based on mutual agreement. Encourage shared decision-making and appreciate each other’s unique contributions.

• Similar to Gender roles, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION OF WHERE YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE. This being said, I will mention this:
  As a ‘Woman’ (Do understand that a man doesn’t think the same way you do. Men are ALOT more straightforward and plain. Don’t expect difficulty or over-explanation in the hopes that he will get your point. Men typically focus on the action more than words)
  As a ‘Man’ (Be patient with her and understand that she may not catch what hints you try to toss her on how you want your house or your food etc… Don’t be all in her case over baby issues. Be a grown-up and know when to walk away from minor things)

6. Supportive Social Networks:
Evaluate the impact of family, friends, and social networks on your marriage. Establish boundaries and expectations regarding extended family involvement. Balance individual privacy and familial connections for a harmonious relationship.

• This being said (Like I mentioned above at the beginning of the article (The numbers are politically correct, but the bullet points are a bit more raw)
  Check their circle of friends… This is who they may get their counsel from, this is who they model their appetites and character after. Whether this is admitted or not, its the truth
  (If a virgin hangs out with loose women, what will you think of that virgin and what will she become?
  (If a person that doesn’t smoke, hangs out with people who always smoke, what will he start to do? ) Let this sink in… I have an episode speaking on this in a bit more detail. {Episode title: Don't be self-absorbed}

7. Intelligence:
Develop emotional intelligence in your relationship (Know when an argument is needed and when you should walk away). Understand and validate each other’s emotions. Practice compassion and emotional support. Foster emotional intimacy and create a safe space for vulnerability and connection.

• If this step above is missed, you will start to feel that you have no place in the conversation and relationship. if you can’t open up to this person, this isn’t the fit. NOW, THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU OPEN UP ABOUT EVERYTHING! you have to pick and choose your battles and when you should talk. A commitment is definitely a give and take. Most time when men come in from work, they need time to get rid of the crap they dealt with at their job; IF they don’t, they come off sharp.
  Women the same way, give each other a little space and try not to be too clingy.

Conclusion:
Consider the essential aspects before entering into marriage. Engage in open conversations about compatibility, communication, emotional and financial readiness, shared values, equality, and support networks. Establish a strong foundation for a lasting partnership. Remember, a successful marriage requires continuous growth, adaptability, and a commitment to nurturing love and understanding. Begin your journey with these essential considerations for a fulfilling and enduring union.